Back in 1999, all I got was 30% custody. As I look back on my own experience, all I can remember is feeling so desperate and angry that the courts gave me a custody schedule of 30 % out of a possible 100%. My life had changed in an instant. It just seemed so unfair. I can also remember the advice my attorney told me over and over again. “This is just the beginning custody schedule; through your time and effort, things will change… Just bite your tongue, make every effort to be available for your kids and we can always re-petition for more time”. Times have changed in some courts, but for most newly divorced fathers, it’s still a shock to see how little time they get in their custody agreement.

Something We Take for Granted.

This article is not about the injustice I was served or the fact that I overcame all of my obstacles to obtain 50/50 joint custody. This article is about the time, or the lack of quality time, that single parents have with our children and what we need to do to remind ourselves how to make the best of what we have. A friendly reminder to all single parents, both fathers and mothers, who need to remember a few things about the children we brought into this world. Children don’t choose divorce, adults do. Divorce affects the lives of fathers, mothers, children and the precious clock that ticks from the moment the final divorce papers are signed.

Do You Know Why I Am the Luckiest Dad in the World?

I still randomly pose this question to my children as I am driving them to school. What makes this question special is that it gives me the opportunity to be PRESENT to our situation. “I am the luckiest father in the world because I have a child like you. I am blessed with three children who are beautiful, smart, good citizens, goods students, honest, healthy, happy, friendly and respectful”. I make sure I reinforce good behavior and communicate what my expectations are of them each and every day. I make sure to let them know that every day counts.

When I ask the question out loud, it gets mixed results. It’s amazing that generosity has a karmic response and I gauge how I am doing as a father based on how my children respond. “Because you have a daughter like me and you are a good dad…” is a common response. Occasionally, I will get a few giggles and some sarcastic remarks from my teenagers. They will say something like, “What, you are our father?” or something like, “I guess you are just a lucky dad”. Nothing better than a little humor, I always say. Parents of divorce are often too serious and these responses have taught me a lot about the power of humor. Laughter and having a sense of humor with your single Parent family is important, especially for Fathers.

A Family That Cooks Together, Creates Memories

When I first started cooking, I had my kids in the kitchen with me experimenting with different recipes. I made sure that I gave them 100% of my attention while we were preparing the meal. Sometimes, I felt that having everybody in the kitchen together gave us the extra bonding time we needed; away from the TV, cell phones, the radio and other distractions. There is something special about the kitchen and the teamwork exhibited during the times when I was newly divorced. No fighting, no fussing; just laughter and bonding. It didn’t matter what we made for dinner and sometimes the meal even turned out horribly. We laughed and made fun of ourselves and it brought us closer together. What was special was that we just had “family time” to be and act normal. Those memories that we shared in the kitchen and at the dinner table will remain with me forever.

Stop the Play Dates and Sleepovers

I wasn’t afraid of putting my foot down early in my custody battle. For some newly divorced parents, there are struggles with scheduling kids’ school and social activities around joint custody schedules. I made sure that I made my voice clear about scheduling activities on “My Weekends” vs. “Her Weekends”. At one point, I remember having a meeting with my ex-wife and explaining the importance of not having so many scheduled “To Do’s” for our kids. What’s the point of having children when all we are doing is shuttling them from one activity to another?

I know I didn’t make any friends with this opinion. I almost became ex-communicated from the neighborhood play groups. The “Anti-social Daddy” was my name until one of my daughter’s play-friend’s parents went through a bitter, ugly divorce. I remember the father came up to me and said, “Man, I had you all wrong for limiting your kids’ schedules. I didn’t understand what you were up against with all of these activities until now. I am newly divorced and my ex-wife is scheduling all of these activities on my dates. All I want to now is hunker down and keep my kids all to myself!” Sometimes, you just have to cherish the time you have with your kids and keep them all to yourself. Take a stand. As a reminder to the newly divorced parent: they are your children too!

365, 182 or Less…

I am now at that stage where this number becomes even more important, and smaller. There are only so many holidays that I get to play “Santa” and “Tooth Fairy”. No matter how you look at this fact, my days are numbered, and so are yours. Unless you have figured out a way to reverse the aging process, your children are growing older by the day. And if you have joint custody, those holidays are getting fewer and fewer. We all will soon be replaced by someone else that gives our children the love, trust, honesty and respect that they all deserve in their adult lives.

The point I am trying to make is this; whether you are like me or not, the simple fact is that we have to cherish every moment while we can. The courts have decided our custody, and it is what we do with that time that makes all the difference in the world. I am still a hopeless optimist and believe that I am making a difference every day in shaping the lives of my children. I know I do many silly things in my daily routine that will make you question my sanity. I still wake up early in the morning to make each of my children their own school lunch because somehow, I feel like I am making a difference by setting a positive example. Never mind me; this is also about you making the time count. What’s important, in all the insanity of parenting, is to believe. Believe that you can make every minute count in a positive way so that our children of divorce will hold happy memories and not bitter memories of the relationship with their parents. Make every minute count and look at each day as just a grain of sand in a very large and endless beach. You can always start now and you can always make a difference today… the choice is yours.

This thought provoking article was sent to us by SingleDad.com, where you can find plenty of great information and resources for single dads.

SingleDad.com is the #1 website and social media resource dedicated to single parenting and specifically for the newly divorced, re-married, widowed, and single Fathers with children.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Don’t try this at home!

The site also cover issues associated with father’s rights, or lack of thereof, such as child support and loss of most parental rights although most fathers retain a large portion of the parenting responsibility.

Here’s an article from Time magazine from 2007 that sheds more light on the topic as well.

Duped Dads article in Time

After just 10 minutes on this free Website I had created my immediate family tree including profile pics, date of birth and some other basics. Within an hour I had about 30 family members created with most of them setup with profile pics. The learning curve was non-existent… it was a breeze.

The most exciting thing about this site is the ease with which any family member can signup and be creating their own family tree within minutes. In fact, within the last 24 hours most of those family members who I had added to my family tree had registered and begun adding their family tree to create an even larger, more comprehensive tree. This ease of use and the fact that it’s free give me great hope that it will continue to grow and deepen in terms of photos and other conteent since it’s so easy to upload anything to your own tree and make it available to family OR family and friends OR to anyone.

Geni does offer a premium version for only $5 month, but there isn’t much there beyond what you get for free (yet) so there is no need to upgrade. I actually want this company to make a profit over time because I’m grateful for the resource they have built and made available for all of the families on tight budgets out there.

There all sorts of other great geneaology tools available online. For a few of the best ones for building a family tree check out Genealogy category of Big Guide.

Here are what some others are saying about ‘Daddy How Do You Know‘ by Step Jones:

“Written in a style that is part personal journal and part life manual to be discovered later by his young son, Step Jones demystifies the process of our development into thoughtful human beings, explores his discoveries about what success is, and reveals for us all his strategies for achieving dreams in a diverse world of ever-quickening change.”
Doug Lytle – Attorney – San Diego

I love and appreciate you for writing this book. Wow, what a journey! It’s emotional, educational, and endearing. The content actually caught me off-guard, and I feel that I have lived, learned, and loved more deeper as a result of reading your book. Thanks for being you and Thanks for allowing me and every reader into your world.
John P. Smith, Jr. – Principal Trainer – Los Angeles

The book will be published and available on Amazon.com early next year, but you can read it now free-of-charge online here (no registration required…): Daddy How Do You Know

Merry Christmas from dadz.com!

David Mott

His straight forward approach to issues on the minds of single parents is refreshing and certainly very popular with his loyal following of single parents and probably not-so-single parents alike.

Some of his blog posts that stood out include:
When a Married Man is a Wingman
A Dream Man for Single Moms

To read more visit: Dads House Blog

Dictionary for Dads

They don’t accept advertising or sponsorships. They are simply driven to share valuable information with dads. Here are a few of the topics you will find valuable information on:

• Understanding Aggression
  
• Working Parents
• Parents Across America Blog
• Pool/Water Safety
• Absent Fathers
• Internet Safety
• Controlling Dads
• Judgmental Dads
• Teenage Violence

Presentation Folders

As most of us would do I went online to try and find some answers so I thought it would make sense to share my favorite resources with you.

My hunt for answers started with a trip to WebMD. They have a great symptom checker that helps narrow down the possibilities with most symptoms you or your family members might have. Unfortunately, I didn’t come up with anything that matched my lump on WebMD.

My second stop was found by doing a search on Google for “back lump”. I spotted a site named ‘Doctors Lounge‘ and a page where someone else had asked about a smaller growth on their back and they received a quality response from an actual Doctor! Pretty nice service considering it’s free. Doctors really do want to save lives!

This doctor, Dr. Anthony Solomon thought it was either a cyst or a Lipoma. The Lipoma possibility is the one I tracked down by performing another search for Lipoma. By the end of the day I pinned my hopes on the lump being a non-malignant fatty Lipoma.

If it doesn’t go away on it’s own or if there is any pain or other symptoms that cause concern I’ll visit the doctor’s office and report back on what this growth is.

Other health resources you should bookmark include:

Mayo Clinic’s Mens Health – Unmatched expertise and a wealth of useful information.

Kids Health – The most visited Website for children’s health issues.

CureZone – I discovered this site a couple of years ago and strongly recommend it as a place to learn from the experiences of others who are dealing with the same heath issues or having the same symptoms. It’s primarily an alternative health crowd giving you a nice balance to the traditional medical professional’s solutions. Many of the posters are converts so it makes for some passionate exchanges. While you’re there be sure to learn about liver flushes and other flushes that will help cleanse your body so it can return to health or remain healthy.

Good health to you!
(If you want to recommend a health site for dads please send me a comment using the comment form.)